January

January is probably my least favourite month of the year. I like the colder months before Christmas, because it seems more allowing to be able to stay indoors, practice self care and ignore a lot of the outside world/tasks/life, because you can just say oh I’m saving for Christmas, its family time, I’m wrapping presents etc.  But in January everything is expected to go back to normal, and its accelerated by all the resolutions, back to work, a lot of changes, and just getting back on with life as its ‘supposed to be.’  I’d ended the year with such dissatisfaction, just going through the motions with low energy, low mood, a bad Christmas, sad memories, bad news and 2019 was looking like a continuity of this same old bleakness and I wasn’t happy about it.

I did it a little different, because I work in retail and its always manic over Christmas, I ended up working a lot and not having a whole lot of time for myself and doing what I wanted to do.  It felt like I was sleeping, eating, working, making sure customers were ready for Christmas and trying so hard to keep Christmas spirit alive that I ended up missing out on it altogether.  It passed by as a blur and then just as it had began to settle my mum was already whipping the decorations down.  So I decided to take January off.  I worked three shifts at my regular job and that was it for the whole month.  *Gasps*  How do you live, how do you earn what did you do..?  I got in tune with myself again and tried to unravel and figure out everything I’d had on my mind and what I wanted.  I ended up busier than I normally would of been, but instead of my calendar being full of work shifts, it was full of classes, meeting with friends, learning, brunches, reading, yoga and getting real about what I wanted.  Heck I even ticked off two of my 2019 goals in the first 30 days of the year!

A January Calendar packed with self care

After a sh*tty situation that led to someone unmeaningly making me feel bad about myself for being in the same life position I was in 5 years ago in terms of career and lifestyle with a few minor changes.  I acted out immediately trying to change everything for no other reason than to prove them wrong.  That I was better than what they thought of me.  The problem of people moving onward and upward is they often turn back and look down on that they left behind, forgetting not everyone is destined to blossom and succeed at the same time or even in the same way.  This kind of thing though, reacting and acting off someone else’s opinion, doesn’t work for me, and I created a backlash of feeling worse that I brought upon myself.  My ego was raging through the roof and my emotions were derailing any positive thought that passed through.

I stopped using social media and deleted it altogether, I rarely post now because I don’t feel the urge to show people my life anymore when I have nothing to prove.  Its the biggest cause of unhappiness by comparison because its like everyone is trying to prove they are happier, fitter, better than the next.  But the call of society that makes us feel that we need it, that we are out the loop without it, or that are friends don’t care about us if we’re not relevant on there with how we post.  It makes it hard to live without.  I found a lot of my negative emotions were coming from seeing posts on there that I wasn’t doing enough or I wasn’t pretty enough.  Its too easy to compare yourself to friends more successful, too upsetting to see ex’s happier without you, and too scary when people your age have babies and family homes.  Its good to have a social media detox every so often to clear your mind and check in on your mental wellbeing without it.

When I finally slowed down and stopped trying to force things into reality, my visions started to become clearer about how I wanted this year to play out, and it was to just take one day at a damn time.  Figure the basics out.  I think a lot of people layer their careers over their lives before they’ve even taken the time to make time to know what they love and enjoy, and before you know it your working a 9-5, going home and mindlessly watching the tv until its time to go to bed and wake up and do it all over again.  Maybe I’m wrong because I focus more on hobbies than I do a career, or something that’s going to immediately and clearly bring me money, but then I just want to know what makes me happy and make that my priority first and fit the other things in around that rather than vice versa. Hopefully in the long run my hobbies and the things I’m passionate about will become my career, no matter how slowly it takes.

Reconnecting with nature

This month I really enjoyed going to yoga daily thanks to a very thoughtful Christmas present of two months unlimited passes at my favourite yoga studio.  I love seeing the benefits on my body but mostly on my mind.  Yoga is my favourite thing in my life right now its the thing keeping me going and keeping me focused and open.  I love the importance of the journey in yoga not the finished result, and retraining my mind to react less to negative situations, seeing the progress in asanas gradually evolving without even realising.  Obviously I’ve had to be careful of what I’m spending because I haven’t been earning as much as I usually would, but I’ve still treated myself to lovely brunches out, day trips, and spending time outdoors which costs nothing at all.  I forget too easily what is important to me, and its hard not to get caught up in society and all its wanting, doing and having.  January is the perfect time for trying something new, even if its only something small, in fact even better if it is.  Little and often is better than big and unfrequently, whether its a new activity or a new food, or picking up something you hadn’t done for a while.  I challenged myself to go to a dance class, I rarely dance anymore as it still mostly makes me critique myself in ways I don’t care for anymore, but it was still nice to know that if I want to do it I can, as long as my body still moves dance is always there for me whenever I feel like I just want to pick it back up.

Brunches at my favourite spot Wild and Wild, Congleton

As well as focusing on practicing yoga at any chance I got, I was back on the pole and passed my beginner/intermediate teaching qualification for pole, meaning my little side apprentice job became a paid part time self employed job, and I got to continue practicing something I cant wait to be able to create and express in.  I had more time to be able do extra hours there to get the experience my unconfident self needed to reassure me that I could do it.  I made sure I started the year right by rereading some of my favourite self help books, to refresh and remind my mind that its not in control.  They always say start the year as you mean to go on and I hope I can keep the balance right between what I need to do and what I want to do.  Every new year I cant resist doing a cleanse of my possessions.  I do it frequently because I hate being bogged down by loads of things, so I try to minimalize what I can.  It feels good letting go of ties and throwing things away that no longer serve you, making room for new things, or making use for old things that you didn’t think of before.

A quiet space for mindful practice

On the last day of January, I gave myself a day off from everything.  The 31st was the only day of the month I had nothing and no where to be, the little box square on my calendar remained empty.  No classes, no friends, no jobs, just me.  I spent the morning creating my 2019 vision board for manifesting what I want in the future, I expanded it out across the rest of the door which is in front of where I practice my home yoga, so I had a wall of positive uplifting things to meditate on.  A little I spent the rest of the day doing general life admin, the little tasks I’d been putting off, but I ticked them all off, tying up the end of January.  As we leave this month, I might be a month to late or a month behind but now I feel like I’m ready to face the new year.  I encourage anyone to take time out to reset and really connect with the things that are important to you, regardless of what other people think.  Set your goals and intentions and work on them in silence.  Do something you love everyday or as often as you possibly can.  Keep your spark.  To a happy 2019.